Waggs Walkabout

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

More often than not, I could not tell you what I was thinking when I decide a child sounded like a good idea.  It’s not that I regret my decision, but it often crosses my mind that I have NO business being a role model for a small child, let alone be a parent.  The thought that saves me is that I’m not parenting just any child.  Somehow, some way, the stars lined to bring Dennis and I together. Call it karma, god, destiny, fate, providence, what have you, there had to be a master plan that put the two of us together with ever patient Dave.  Most days, I just hope that when the evil genius that we are raising takes over the world, he looks back fondly on the crazy old people that raised him.

Here are few of the reasons my eye left twitches:

Dennis recently asked if we could eat at the White Fence Farm restaurant. I asked him why he wanted to eat there and he replied, "They have a playground and they feed you chicken food." I told him that I wasn't interested in eating the same thing that chickens eat. There was a BIG sigh from the back seat and in total disgust he said "They not feed you corn there, they feed you dead chickens."

While listening to Lady Antebellum, Down Town
D: What's down town?
Me: It's where you go to dance and listen to music.
D: If you take girls there, will they kiss you?
D: I take girls there.

After being in bed for a half hour, Dennis came into the living room and said that if he put his hand on his chest he could feel his heart beating and it was really fast and might pop put of this chest. I assured him that his heart would be just fine and that he needed to get back into bed. About half way up the stairs, he yelled "I not have a banana today, maybe I eat one now." Since my heart was then beating rapidly and my left eye was twitching, I strongly urged he get his bum to bed - without a banana.

As the week progressed, my child had gotten slower and slower in getting ready for school. I was hounding him to hurry up to the breakfast table, hurry up to finish breakfast, hurry up and brush his teeth, hurry up and get dressed. Five minutes before we needed to walk out the down, I went upstairs and discovered him standing in there in his Super Hero undies, marvelling at the circuitry inside an old cell phone. I strongly recommended he get some clothes on and he responded with “but Mom, there’s some really cool stuff in here.” He went to school that day with uncombed hair.

As my foot hit the bottom step, the voice from the living room yelled, "Hey Mom, I watching News 9 and it’s a Bronco day today, there a volcano in Matra (Sumatra) and good thing we not there live there cause it hurts you a lot and they have a big boat on a big lake that breaks big ice. What we have for breakfast?"

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