Waggs Walkabout

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Why I had a martini after dinner:

During the course of the day, I suspected that my child was trying to push me over the edge of sanity. This morning when I made his bed before school, I discovered one of the decorative decals that had been on the wall of his bedroom, stuck to the bed sheet. The wackiness began in earnest when I was asked to help him sing Happy Birthday to everyone whose name he could recall and everyone got their own singing of the first verse. I was scolded when I tried to group several people together. We wrapped it up while pulling into the preschool parking lot with a chorus of “Happy Birthday other kids”.

After running errands in the rain for a couple of hours, I picked up the Russian and came home. He opted to stay outside and play in the rain while I whipped up lunch. He came to the sliding glass door in the living room and wanted to come in covered in wet sand. I wouldn’t let him in and told him to around the house to the back door and take his shoes off. I walked through the house to the back door and found the Russian standing outside the back door with his pants down around his ankles and he proudly announced “Pants off!” Somehow I kept a straight face, while recommending that he take off the muddy shoes before trying to remove the soggy pants.

During lunch, we got to discuss how he wanted to be “big and strong like that guy” in reference to the plumber working within hearing range of our kitchen table. I also got to hear how his eyes, nose and ears were going to get “really big” from drinking all his milk. He also explained loud and clear that he couldn’t sit up straight in his chair was because his butt was itchy. Since the water was turned off while the plumber was working, we had to discuss why his teeth weren’t going to fall out if he couldn’t brush his teeth after lunch. He did reassure me that he wouldn’t pick his nose or pee his pants during nap time and that he would love me “ever ever.”

Post nap, he was in the living room and I heard the fireplace doors open and close and the foot stool being turned over. Upon questioning of the suspect, I learned that he was baking cookies for mama in the fireplace and cooking shrimp under the foot stool. My living room was in complete disarray but it’s hard to blame a guy who’s whipping up calorie-free cookies and prawns for you.

Much of the rest of the afternoon followed with him tiptoeing on the line of acceptability and every time I even looked at him, he threw his arms around me and shouted - hug!!!! At one point I did reprimand him for something and he stomped off to his room to pout (I love a good long SILENT pout!) Eventually I went to check on him and when I peeked in his room and asked what he was doing the response was “Dennis eat this book”.

He asked for an afternoon snack and chose a pear, insisting that I not cut it up or remove the peel. He then proceeded to scrape the entire peel off the pear and announce he was full.

At the dinner table, he delighted in reminding Dave and I keep our left arms in our laps and elbows off the table. We spent way too much time discussing how big he needed to get before he could have wine with his dinner. When he burped and reminded him to say “excuse me”, he asked if he asked if he should say “excuse me” when his butt burped.

AND that is why I had a BIG martini after dinner.  I might not have been sober at all when Dave got home from work, but I’m still taking Tylenol to treating my throbbing knot on my head  that resulted from standing up and ramming my head into a cupboard door that had been left open; plus there’s that whole responsible parent thing.......

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